This week I heard the two biggest fears of coaching mentioned to me, one by another coach trying to figure one issue out and another by a parent telling me why they don’t coach yet have input on everything about coaching. I thought it would be a good time to discuss these two issues for anybody wanting to coach or for those critiquing a coach without understanding what is going on.

The first and probably biggest obstacle for every coach is the parents. I will be honest I have been super blessed in the fact I have not had to deal with a super judgmental or straight mean parent. I have had some that obviously didn’t vibe with me and my coaching style. I always tell parents if you want to come back next season let me know and if not no big deal I hold no grudges.

I think a major reason I don’t have major issues with parents is my tendency to overshare and be open about all of the season, team, and anything else I would want to know if my kid were on the team. I know this is overkill for some parents but for most they love it. Some parents just want me to leave them alone but those usually move on. I make sure to share every possible everything that could be shared. Some coaches just share the important stuff but with a proper Team Management Application you can share everything and if people want to know they will look and those who don’t will not.

Another thing I do is communicate my expectations of the parents to the parents. What I mean by this is I tell all parents what I expect from them during the season and not just a quick short blurb but I have learned to spell out the exactness of what it is I am trying to get across. Like say my baseball teams I will tell the parents that telling the kids how to hit while they are hitting will not help the kids to hit better or with soccer kids I tell the parents that the refs are just kids themselves and learning so no need to yell at them.

I understand many will have problems with parents and to that I will tell you that a random parent’s opinion of you is irrelevant to your coaching style. I promise you not every parent will like you because not every kid can star in soccer or hit at the top of the order. As a coach, your job is to make the team better, and even a little better is better than not at all. Parents only focus on one or two kids on the team and don’t see the whole picture as a coach you need to focus on the whole.

The second fear of coaches is the kid who makes every practice and every game difficult to complete. We have all had them and we know who it is on our kids’ team and if you don’t then maybe it’s your kid.

No matter the sport no matter the age group you will have a kid that tests your patience and sees how far they can push you. I can look back at every picture of every team behind my chair on the wall and point out the one that made me a better coach. Each team has that kid that just wont listen, fights the coach, fights the team, and generally just makes it hard to coach.

I had a season with 4 of them all at once. It was difficult but I made it through and it changed my outlook on how to deal with those types of kids. I learned a lot about myself through these special cases.

My advice when it comes to difficult kids is to love them. Do not get mad just lay down the rules about working with you and let them lay down the rules of you working with them. Let them see it’s not a one-way street. Both of you want something out of this coach-player relationship and to achieve those goals you both need to work together and be a team also.

Now this will not always work and sometimes you just have to finish a season and put them on the do not draft again list. I’ve heard of parents putting coaches on the will not play for list but coaches all have won’t let back on my team lists. Do not as a coach feel bad about having these lists either. It is important that you get to train your team how to play better and if you have a kid who interrupts that ability then let them go and dont look back.

I know that as a coach we all think we can get through to all kids and if it were about 1 kid then yes you can but it’s not it’s usually about 11 kids who want to get better and if one is an issue then 10 others suffer.

I want to throw in a bonus issue that many coaches face. Daddy ball accusations. Guess what most coaches, coach because their kid is on the team.  So you’re going to get accused of favoring your kid. Well, guess what, yes I do, I do give my girl the position she wants to play on the team. I do let my son play 3rd base because that’s his favorite. Also, you know who spends extra hours every day of the week working when other kids are at home playing video games. The coach’s kid, guess who has to test out the coach’s new training skill, or who has to help the coach work on their skill to show the team? The kids’ of the coach get that honor. Just like the kids I have to practice throwing for coach pitch and my son gets the extra hitting time while I practice. Guess who gets the chance to corner kick over and over again on a Sunday afternoon while the coach debates on setup of the team. Yep, the coach’s kid.

Do yes the coach’s kid gets a little bit of a boost and you may think your kid is better in that case you go coach a team and put your kid in that spot but in all honesty, I promise the coach spends more time working with their kid than any of you even think. So don’t look at it as daddy ball but a dad bonding over sports with their kid.

Every season a new coach jumps headlong into the sea of coaching and every time this happens they run into the fears we’ve listed and I hope that if you take that leap that you take a minute to remember a little advice and just have fun because coaching is fun.