Why get into coaching at all? It honestly takes more confidence to coach than it takes to play. I have had the pleasure of having the same set of kids for a few seasons. A couple of different kids here and there but a core of 8 kids for 3 seasons. An issue with my team is confidence. It has been and continues to be. I’ve been able to insert a couple of strong-willed kids in the mix, but a few of them need a boost.

Just when you see them turn a corner, the season ends, and sadly, many of them lose that edge till you find it again. It’s funny. I have a kid who I know when he’s on edge and scared to play he has a tell, and I yell your hands at him to snap him out and boom, he’s back to playing strong. Lack of confidence is an issue I deal with constantly game to game, season to season.

So let me tell you some ways I’ve used that worked and ways that didn’t work. First off, understand every kid is different and some things worked with some and some didn’t with others. I’ve learned that some kids its a yell at the field to stop with the hands and others it’s finding the bench for a bit and some it’s not letting them come out till you see a flash play.

The first thing I use is encouragement. I never tell a kid they did it wrong. Just tell them we could do it better. Some kids get very down if you say no, that’s wrong. I tend to tell them that’s one way to do it, but I can show you a stronger way that may feel better or that may make you a better player. I learned that negativity is always met with more negativity. I recently had a kid try and tell me his way of shooting was better, so I bet him if he spent a week doing it my way and he was right. I’d let him be captain of the team. Well, three days later, he comes to me and says coach I can actually hit the back of the net now doing it your way. Thank you for teaching me this. I could have fought him and got into it. Instead, I told him that his way works, yes, but if he does it my way, it will make him a stronger player, and he is now.

My next way of building confidence is finding the motivation of a kid. I have this girl that, for some reason, shows out like a top 3 player on the team every practice, but when she gets in the game, she shrinks to nothing. I a few seasons ago started calling her my attack chihuahua because she was little, and I wanted her to bite the ankles of other teams. I can literally just ask her if she gets that dog in her in the middle of the game to get her to start playing harder and show her true colors. I had to find that thing that made her motivated. For my daughter, the fear of the bench keeps her moving. She absolutely hates being on the bench. This comes from her first season when she was 8 and the littlest kid on the field. I kept her on the bench a bunch cause she was a liability, but she learned and now is a strong player her last year at 10U. Now all I got to do is mention bench, and she turns up a notch in game.

The next thing I’ve tried was passing the Captain Armband around. So, in soccer, the team captain wears an armband that says Captain on it. I decided one season instead of making a captain use it as motivation to play hard. It worked with some kids they got that armband for the game and went hard all game. It was their game to shine. Others it didn’t work on they just shrunk in the limelight . Why do I have to play all game? So that particular one was hit or miss, and honestly, I lost one kid completely because their game went poorly, and they never came back from that defeat as Captain.

Another thing I do is use parents. I have open lines of communication with the parents on my team. I actually probably over communication. I teach them the lingo of soccer and explain to them my thought pattern on everything so they can speak the same lingo to their kids. I also communicate when I think a certain kid needs a little outside influence. Sometimes, it takes mom or dad or grandma or grandpa to say the same thing I am to get them to open up. I always ask parents to let me know when someone special is at the game. I remember having this girl on defense that I couldn’t get to do anything, but then halfway through the season, Granpa was in attendance, and man, did we see a different girls she was destroying the ball and wasn’t letting a single person by her. Best game of her life. That day, she turned a corner and was one of my best defenders for a few seasons just because Grandpa was watching one game, and she found a new gear. So I communicate with the parents, not only what I need help with but also to get information I may need to help motivate their kids.

I know I said I have a confidence problem, and I am giving ways to beat it, but honestly, 90% of every kids’ sports team is going to be this way. Learning to beat the issue of how you make a team better. The best cure is winning, but if you can’t win early, it takes some hard work on the outside to get kids to believe in themselves again.

Do not lose your confidence. I was having such a poor last few weeks. I got pretty down about my teams chances this season and lost confidence I could coach this team, and we would lose all games this season, and why am I doing this again. Then, I walked into practice with a new perspective of we win as a team, not as a superstar and friends. Then, I started to see the stars align. My team isn’t bad. I got 4 good legs and a bunch of smart passers. Okay, we can work with that. Oh, 2 pretty decent goalies, not 0. Okay, better. A very smart center back who can control the defense. Awesome! Confidence renewed now. Can I get their confidence up? Winning early will help, but losing bad may actually fix issues, also. We shall see this season, maybe my best team yet.