Let me start by saying I recognize my story is unique but not any more important than anyone else’s story. I feel sometimes people get so caught up in their own story they forget everyone has a story, and everyone has overcome something that was hard for them and they are proud of.

I have spent the last few weeks talking about the veteran side of my life and PTSD. Today, I would like to discuss my trauma survivor story. Like I said, I know it’s unique, but I do not see myself as anything special.

On July 20th, 2022, in a little shop in Winnemucca, Nevada, I was working on a Dodge Eco-Diesel that had been filled with gasoline. I was in the middle of a long and slow process of removing the entire fuel system and replacing or cleaning it all. I had gotten to the fuel tank area and was pulling it out from under the vehicle when a fire started. To this day, no one knows for sure what started the fire, but a few of us assume Static Electricity. I remember trying to move the 55-gallon drum of gasoline away from  the area, and in this movement, I accidentally spilled the entire drum all over me, which is how I became engulfed in flames. Yes, I recognize now that the moving of that drum was dumb but at that moment, I thought I was stopping the shop from exploding with my father and 2 brothers in there with me.

I remember the moments afterward getting out of the shop and sitting in the water spicket just bathing in water. I was then escorted to an ambulance where I was looking at three people who looked very concerned. To this point, I was not aware that I was even really hurt. In my mind, I was getting checked out, and then I would go home and get some sleep. Little did I know the next few minutes would be my last few of consciousness for the next 10 days. I remember realizing this was bad just as I was passing out and saying, “Four tours of combat, and this is how I go.”

I woke up 10 days later, confused, and unsure where I was and unable to talk to the girl who was sitting next to me asking me questions. Turns out I had a tube down my throat, making me unable to talk. It also turns out I was in my sleep trying to rip it out so much that they had me handcuffed and feet cuffed to the bed. So what do I do an hour or so after I gain consciousness. I cough the tube out with all my might. Since that moment, I have learned this was something none of the nurses or doctors had ever seen before. Little did these people know they were in for a whole bunch more of never seen before.

I won’t detail the entire next 105 days, but I did start my journey out with the mindset. Nothing matters from yesterday. Nothing matters tomorrow. All that matters is being the best I can be today. This is how I think I really got through this hospital stay. I never thought about how well or bad the day before PT or day was. I also never thought about what I had going the next day. I always focused on each day as it was its own specific day to conquer.

I walked out of that hospital in 105 days from the day I was put in there. My wife was given a 48 hours to live verdict the night I got there. We were told I would lose my hands, then just my pinkies. We were told It would be a year or more of surgeries and recovery at the hospital. I walked out in 105 days and never looked back.

I do not think that I am a superhero or have special healing powers. I do not think I did this on my own. I am very aware that someone much more powerful than me had a large hand in this. I tell people you do not have to believe that God is real, but to me, I look at a body that almost every super life changing area was missed. My knees were not burned and above and below them are. My armpits are not burned, but my entire arm and sides are. My feet are not burned, but my ankles are. My face was burnt, but it came back, and I can grow a beard. I woke up from a coma that takes 90% of patients in my state. I kept hands that most people do not. I walked out of the hospital faster than anybody was ready to say was possible.

I believe God is the only reason I am here today, and the only reason I am here now is because he has a plan for me. I search daily for this plan and have landed pretty hard on the fact that I have lived through 2 things that cause so many to take their lives. Believe it or not, I had a bigger problem with the trauma recovery as far as Suicide goes than the PTSD. It was so hard for me to understand that I would never be me again. I know the worst day of my life was the day I realized I would never be able to answer the call of war again. I know I have been out for 11 years at this point, but I always knew that if it went down, I could go help. Now I can not, and that took a lot out of me, and I spent days contemplating if I wanted to even live anymore after that. 

Lucky for me, I now have a better understanding of who God is and the love he has for me. I now understand I may not be able to fight, but I can be there to help comfort and witness to those who return home broken like me. I can also relate to those who lived through trauma and now seek a way to feel better about who they are now compared to who they used to be.