Today, I was reading a post my wife shared on her Facebook. It was talking about how when the days of watching your child run up and down a field are done, how much will you remember the winning versus the losing seasons. Will being the best on the field matter? Will having the other teams coach point out your kid as one to watch be remembered? Will it all just be a memory of good times?

I will start by saying, “What is the goal?” Are you just putting your little ones out there to burn off energy and run circles? Do they have an interest in the sport as something to do throughout their childhood up into High School? Do they see themselves going to college for this sport? Do they want to go pro?

My oldest fell in love with swimming early and told me early she wanted to make the Olympics as a swimmer. So, with her goal in mind, I push her every day to get better. My next daughter has not committed to a sport yet but enjoys soccer, so I coach her like it’s what’s going to get her a scholarship to college. In my mind, every child should find something that they enjoy that will pay for college. The easiest thing for me to do is coach my children into college. I joined the Marine Corps, which is how I went to college. I do not want that life for my girls, so I coach them into college.

I once had to apologize to the parents of my team because I had a come apart on the side lines at my daughter. I was so upset she had forgotten months of training and was standing there staring at me like it didn’t matter. I lost it and was yelling to get on the bench and stay there. At that moment, I looked like a horrible father and a bad coach. In all honesty, that moment taught my daughter that just because Coach is dad doesn’t mean she can slack off in the game and not get pulled. I have never had that issue since and honestly have seen a huge improvement in her practicing since. The funny part was I apologized to the parents, and instead of a you shouldn’t do that, I got multiple. Would you do that to my child to I want them to care as much as you do.

I have told a few parents I do this coaching thing for my kids, not necessarily for theirs, BUT since I’m already there, I promise to try just as hard for their kids, too. I see this as a stepping stone to better lives and better people skills for the kids. I push my daughter like none other because I want her to know that winners work harder than anyone else. I make my son hit balls off a tee for hours a day during the season to outwork others. I tell him that at 5 years old, if he learns to outwork others in practice by the time he is 18, the practice is habit and habit gets you drafted or a scholarship.

My dream is to watch every one of my children play a sport on a scholarship at college. I do not need any of them to go professional. Just get a degree based on the performance made from practice. I hope that in the end, each child thanks me for being rough and pushing them to get better each day because they graduated with no debt and played a sport they loved to get it.

For me, the goal is not to make superstars but to make kids that care about the sport enough to outwork others in practice to a point where you see it in the game.

I will never be the coach that has to win every game because I am one who believes losses teach you more. I’m not saying I don’t want to win, but in the end, the real goal of the day is to make a more well-rounded human being out of our team. The proudest I have ever been was the day we lost a match. The kids on the other team were literally screaming loser and  sticking tongues out at my team, and the entire team kept heads up, smiled, and said good game to each of their players. They walked back to our bench and said sorry, coach. We tried, and they meant it loss by 1 in the championship game. I could not have been prouder of a team who learned how to handle themselves properly.

Each parent should have a goal for their kids, even if it’s just let’s burn energy, so they go to bed early. Find your why, as a parent and as a coach, you definitely need to have a goal, or else you’re looking at a season of questions and no answers.