Proverbs 3:5
[5]Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Luke 22:42
[42]Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

We all read the first part of Proverbs 3:5 and think yes, trust the Lord easy. The hard part is the second part of the verse, which is not unto your own understanding. I mentioned last week the thought pattern of is this God’s will or am I getting ahead of God. It’s a lesson I am learning now in life.

I wonder daily and pray about the path He has for me and want to know if I am getting ahead of His will? These last few months, it seems like every time I try and do something I think God wants me to do, I find myself in a battle. Who has an all-out battle with a mouse that keeps getting into the walls and has already caused me to have to rip apart half the bathroom to fix water pvc pipes he ate, causing leaks. Who has a $600 water bill because the bathroom toilet was just slightly running and I couldn’t hear it. Who gets railroaded by a lawyer who did nothing to help but because they talked to you and filed one paper that did nothing is now entitled to 33% of the back pay the government finally gave you.

All these things give me pause as I keep getting further and further behind in my savings goals to be able to head on a mission trip I thought God would want me to go on. The question now becomes, does God even want me to go on this trip, or is this just the devil trying to stop me from doing something for God. Honestly, I was heading on this trip because I needed to see if God was calling me to be a missionary. I don’t know what he wants with me. I know he has a place for me in working with those with PTSD and trauma, but how will I accomplish this?  What else is he wanting me to do? Be on a mission field writing books, or am I supposed to just jump head long into the fray of how to reach those suffering now and forget about making sure it’s not another mission field I’m called to.

I do not know the answer. I know my prayers have changed recently from help me get the money to go to Your will, not mine. I think this is truly the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn so far. I want to do  everything I can for God, but maybe It’s not about doing everything. Maybe it’s about doing that one thing perfectly for Him.